Adventist Hospitals Recruit White, Male, Adventist Leadership Trainees

(Spectrumbot) #1

Adventist hospital systems across the United States have jointly enlisted the help of specialist recruiters to attract 'viable leadership trainee material.'

Sam Dilbert, the liaison officer representing the combined hospital systems announced that the services of niche recruitment firm AdventHunter had been secured for the task.

"While Adventist hospitals have developed an excellent reputation for ministering to the physical and spiritual needs of patients, we've kind of dropped the ball in terms of training enough leaders to ensure we are still around tomorrow," said Dilbert.

He shared that the recruitment specialists at AdventHunter have plans to open permanent offices on a number of Adventist college campuses in order to directly access potential trainee candidates.

"We're not trying to reinvent the wheel here, there's a specific candidate profile that works," said Dilbert.

"We just need to ensure that we can develop a lot more of these," he said, holding up a framed hospital leadership retreat picture of graying white guys eating veggie chili dogs at a NASCAR race.

"This isn't about being discriminatory - we have plenty of nurses and executive assistants that are female and multi-hue or what-have-you," said Dilbert.

He acknowledged that sticking with tradition isn't a foolproof formula but maintained that hiring leadership trainees of usual stock "saves on drama and keeps the unions at bay."

He stressed that Adventist hospitals are simply trying to be responsible. "It's not that we don't want anyone else, it's just that we need leaders that will fit our culture. Also we have a good thing going here and if it ain't broke we're not betting the future on fixing it."

Sevvy is a writer at the anonymously-authored humor and satire blog

This is a companion discussion topic for the original entry at

(George Tichy) #2

I love your “breaking news,” Sevvy!
Sometimes it’s really difficult not to believe they are true, since they may sometimes represent exactly what is behind the curtains…

I always remember the one about the note from TW to the delegates sent prior to the AC. That one was superb! Thinking of the results on the WO issue at the AC, I really believe you were not that much off…

(Dee Roberts) #3

Very funny, indeed.

Reality is that our healthcare systems (health ministry) are our most diverse enterprises at all levels, and it is a beautiful thing! Somehow I expect that some in the DC suburbs think it was a big mistake to allow that to happen.

(Thomas J Zwemer) #4

As in Watergate–follow the money! I came to Georgia making four times the salary at Loma Linda. I was not treated as one who had abandoned the stuff. but as deep pockets. my wife was incensed because if we were separated the brethren would ignore her and focus on me. I said, I’ll fix that, I will tell the brethren that I leave all financial decisions to my wife. It didn’t help a bit that doctors title was intoxicating. Tom Z

(Kim Green) #5

Absolutely love this name…and who knows, perhaps it might spawn a REAL business…LOL