Almost News: New Adventist Church Potluck Rating System

(system) #1

In response to complaints that the "Find a Church" search function on does not provide visitors with enough information on churches around the world, General Conference Communication officials have decided to add a user-generated rankings system for each church's potluck offerings.

A simple 1-7 star scale (with 7 being best) will rate every congregation's potluck based on the average of potluck attendee feedback. Baptized church members will also have the option to leave specific comments on aspects of their dining experience ranging from the intensity of the fellowship hall's cafeteria lighting to the perceived stinginess of servers rationing out portions of the more popular dishes.

"While we want to fully encourage healthy eating, we want to warn churches with overly vegan potlucks that they may be penalized for the lack of flavor in their dishes," said Janine Kingsley, lead developer of the online potluck rating algorithm. "Weimar has already shown the world what happens when you try to serve horse feed to humans. It's not pretty."

Kingsley added that "the only thing worse than a vegan potluck is no potluck at all." She warned lazy congregations that churches that did not offer potlucks would simply not appear in searches.

Sevvy is a writer at the anonymously-authored humor and satire blog

This is a companion discussion topic for the original entry at

(Rohan Charlton) #2

Haha. Sounds like the 'Potluck computer game’I was writing about yesterday! Great idea! I’ll definitely incorporate this into my game…

(Thomas J Zwemer) #3

the best potluck I had was in the late fall of 1943. stationed At Fort Benning, I got my first Sabbath free to leave camp. I found the Adventist Church in Columbus, I arrived early. later a couple with a young lady about my age sat directly in front of me. during song service, I reached forward and pulled one hair of the young lady. of course she turned around and I said, I love fried chicken. after services, the mother approach me and asked if I was the one how loved fried children, I said yes. she said that what we are having for Sabbath dinner would you like to join us? of course I replied in the affirmative. it was the Best chicken, I ever ate. that afternoon was pleasant also. Tom Z

(Rheticus) #4

In GC is sending a question to SA asking the delegates to approve each Division developing its own Pot Luck Rating System that its constituent Union Conferences can ignore, and the GC is developing a Model Pot Luck Rating System that each Union Conference created after 2015 is going to be required to ignore.

(Jared Wright) #5

Ha! But is their sending the Potluck Rating System question to the General Conference Session a shrewd move to kill the PRS because they know that GC delegates will never approve the rating of their potlucks…OR… is it a calculated effort on the part of those who feel the time has finally come to let all people rate potlucks without regard to…to…gender?

(Tim Teichman) #6

I’m so happy the church is so focused on what is important.

(Tim Teichman) #7

No, only the manly men get to vote. The women are busy cooking.

(Carrol Grady`) #8

I’ll have you know that I spent two weeks at Weimar and thought the food was great, as long as I didn’t have to go to the trouble of cooking it!

(Sevvy) #9

This is quite honestly the first time we’ve heard of a church-bases hair-pulling incident ending well…:slight_smile:

(Sevvy) #10

Surely you mean they are busy heating food cooked pre-sundown…

(Winona Winkler Wendth) #11

A great addition to this new approach to badge-earning for Pathfinders: 1. Learn to cook; 2. Learn to rate the outcomes; 3. Learn how to clean up. Three badges. At least it gets these kids out of the house.

(Carolyn Parsons) #12

What would be a 7.5 in North America because it had a huge taco salad may only be a 5.2 in Brazil because there wasn’t enough beans and rice. Unity is very important so beans and rice need to have the same weight in North America and taco salads need to have the same weight in Brazil.

(Tim Teichman) #13

Yes, of course. Busy heating, not cooking.

(Cfowler) #14

LOL indeed. This almost sounds like a joke, it is so unbelievable. Let’s add another job to make sabbath more restful…making sure our rating is up to snuff.

But, this is a joke, right?

(Yoyo7th) #15

How about…“Come rate our sermon” ? or
"Come rate our Sabbath school"?
How many times have you been to camp meeting and the intro speaker said about the guest speaker… “We really have a feast in store”?? (something like that)
I usually got indigestion…