I don’t remember last week – at least not in any significant detail. It is not because I was abducted, nor is it because I suffer from any kind of medical condition that affects my memory. I have come to the conclusion that life simply gets full, and to allow myself to be able to function, often times I go on autopilot. Autopilot is scary. I remember one night when I was in my late teens. I looked around at one end of I-84, realizing that I didn’t remember the last 10 miles of freeway. The thing about autopilot is that often I don’t know what kinds of judgments I might make when I’m in autopilot. As Freud might say, I don’t trust my id. As I say, I don’t trust the darkness inside of me. When my attention is away, I find I float through life, getting everything I need to done, but not really all the way present. When I get time to slow down and reflect, often I find myself reviewing my recent actions as a security guard might review security camera footage. From time to time, when reviewing this footage, I come upon actions that I am not proud of, and more than not, me gossiping is in the archive. I know what damage gossip can do, and my better self really abhors it, but I far too commonly find my inner self indulging in it as one might savor a sweet snack when one knows on is supposed to be on a diet. Thinking about gossip, I came across a bit of a talk by our speaker from last week that exposed for me what often lies at its heart – blame. It seems that gossip is a sort of meta blame where, even if the gossip doesn’t relate directly to me, in a way I am saying “You know what’s wrong with the my work place, my city, my country, my world? Well let me give you some examples of who is to blame and why.” I don’t think honestly pointing out responsibility is wrong, but I often find that when I gossip, I am soothing myself - looking for an excuse to abdicate my responsibility. I find myself blaming. It does not end there, however, for we are promised grace, and when we find ourselves abdicating responsibility and blame, that is when we find grace is closest, reminding us of who we are, but more than this, reminding us of who Jesus is.
Introit: Lux Aurumque - The Concordia Choir
Opening Hymn: Nothing But The Blood | Robert Lowry | LIVE by Michael & Peta
Call to the Word: Only Hope - Gardiner Sisters (Switchfoot Cover)
Spoken Word: Brené Brown on Blame
This is a companion discussion topic for the original entry at http://spectrummagazine.org/node/6615