SILVER SPRING - After more than two years of prayerful study, theologians at the Biblical Research Institute have ruled that Generation of Youth for Christ devotees and The One Project enthusiasts cannot wed across movement lines.
"For the first time in Adventism we are witnessing competing interpretations of our faith that are significant enough to cause division in marriage," said BRI Spokesperson, Ronaldo Treijer. "A romantic relationship where one party is a faithful GYC conference participant and the other of unfortunate One Project persuasion, is doomed. The two are unequally yoked and therefore biblically unfit to marry."
Treijer explained that, although both technically Adventist, the two camps are seriously at odds with each other. "Listen, we can't have bearded, happy-clappy, pro-Women's Ordination demagogues getting their grubby hands on sincere, clean-hearted GYC Proverbs 31 women," he said.
"I will admit to never having cleared my schedule in order to sit cross-legged around a bongo drum with a bunch of disenchanted One Project earth lovers but I have heard enough never to let my children date their people," he said.
Treijer laments the fact that the BRI cannot, as yet, write a binding policy on the matter of 'mixed persuasion' Adventist marriages. However, as a step in the right direction, it has submitted 'clarifying language' articulating a GYC/One Project marriage ban on which this summer's GC San Antonio delegates will be invited to vote.
"Although The One Project is clearly hell-bent on causing division in the Adventist Church by questioning our leadership and promoting a watered-down social justice gospel of Kumbaya ecumenism, we have yet to pin them on something big enough to warrant expulsion," admitted Treijer. "Until that day comes the least we can do is keep the sheep and the goats segregated."
Sevvy is a writer at the anonymously-authored humor and satire blog BarelyAdventist.com.
This is a companion discussion topic for the original entry at http://spectrummagazine.org/node/6633