Citing Threats from Extremists, Adventist Risk Management Refuses to Cover 'Satire Creators or Consumers'

(Spectrumbot) #1

Policy holders have been treated to a series of strongly-worded announcements from Adventist Risk Management, Inc. (ARM) over the last few days. Alerts from the company which provides employee insurance solutions and risk minimization services for the Adventist Church typically focus on humdrum counsel about car maintenance; the perils of wrinkled church carpeting and the need for faithful weeding of pavement cracks in church parking lots. As of late, however, all messages have focused on the evils of "satirical material of any nature."

"The last few days my inbox has been filling up with 'URGENT' warnings to 'satire creators or consumers' said Todd Buchanan, Associate Pastor at Carmen Seventh-day Adventist Church in Marietta, Ga. ARM has said that due to an increasing backlash against satirists by extremists the world over, all insurance claims from satire creators or consumers, be they denominational employees or institutions, will be denied.

Chief ARM spokesperson, Frank Ennui, has confirmed that a massive overhaul of policy language for the entire range of ARM products is currently underway but that the gist of it is "follow Stephen Colbert's example and abandon satire." Policies changes will especially stress the need to abandon all forms of religious satire, especially when it touches on issues pertaining to Adventism.

"The North American Division spearheaded a very sensible effort aimed at elimination of satire and parody in the run-up to this summer's San Antonio General Conference Session," said Ennui. "We wholeheartedly support these efforts and will no longer insure persons or institutions that either create or are known to consume satire."

Ennui has encouraged church employees and leaders to scour their social media accounts to remove "Likes" or any form of sharing of satirical material. "This is serious, folks, the life of a church employee is no laughing matter," said Ennui. "To be on the safe side we should all embrace a completely literalist form of communication that allows for no symbolism or double entendres."

Asked if ARM's new war on satire might impinge on an historically-proven and biblically-prevalent form of truth-telling, Ennui remained unbowed. "Any wannabe satirists amongst us can go ahead and cancel their ARM policies right now," he said. "Feel free to tell the truth at your own risk."

Sevvy is a writer at the anonymously-authored humor and satire blog

Image by the Adventist Caricaturist, who has taken ARM's advice to stop making satirical images at Caricatures of Adventists.

This is a companion discussion topic for the original entry at

(Adventist Caricaturist) #2

God bless. Cartoonists.

(Carolyn Parsons) #3

This is the longest you had me falling for the story, Barely Adventist. Kudos

(Thomas J Zwemer) #4

I would like to see a cartoon of Des Ford’s Mountain Top Experience… It should be rich material for satire. Tom Z

(Pagophilus) #5

Does this recent spate of satire from BarelyAdventist mean there is nothing to write about of worth?

(Sevvy) #6

Haha! We’ve arrived:)

On a different note, we are on the hunt for a new insurance provider so feel free to leave us suggestions…

(Sevvy) #7

You nailed it! We are officially out of material. Why else would we turn to satire?

(Sevvy) #8

Almost clapped, but then I caught myself…

(Adventist Caricaturist) #9

Watch it BAdventist. You’re treading on thin ice!

(Robert Sonter) #10

About 20 years ago, we had a radio personality in Australia named Doug Mulray. One of his humorous titles was “The Reverend Doctor Doug”.

I think that term could aptly be applied to Doug Batchelor… :smile:

(Graeme Sharrock) #11

(Rohan Charlton) #12

You guys are like the 'ANONOMOUS’of the SDA world huh!?

Suggested next topic: Jesuit infiltration.

(Ron Corson) #13

So I started out my day all ready to draw some more Revelation Seminar brochures and now I find out that I won’t be insured anymore. I am glad that I don’t do any dealing with Islam of course but now I am worried that Rome, Greece, The Roman Catholic Church and all of apostate Protestantism will be out to get me. Revelation Seminars will never be the same!

(George Tichy) #14

Hey… ! Don’t give them any clues on this issue!!! :slight_smile:

(Thomas J Zwemer) #16

it seems the refusal to insure consumers or readers was the give away. Tom Z

(Thomas J Zwemer) #17

No one on the current Adventist scene asks for a satirical,response as does Doug. That smug face after “scoring a point” makes a cartoonist fingers itch. Tom Z

(Allen Shepherd) #18

For one nearly returned from the dead, I think you better watch out! And I hear itchy fingers are akin to itching ears… But i have a great steroid cream, calms the histamine producers and the mind as well. Only $100 a tube. Operators are waiting.

(Allen Shepherd) #19

Not Afraid?? The NYT among other papers have not published the cartoons that Hebdo produced. They say it is so as not to offend readers, but part and parcel of what they do is offend readers. They are afraid of reprisals, and rightly so. But the courage of this picture can only truly be expressed by those who are really not at risk.

(Thomas J Zwemer) #20

Allen. Thanks for the offer. But having faced death, I have no fears. For me the experience was one of complete peace. I understand, I caused a massive response. the Man in the room across the hall didn’t make it. it was a very busy night in the ER. Doug used to be on a local TV station, but no more. Or they changed the time and I can’t find it. That greasy smug look really was a hoot. I can see why he would attract satire. Tom Z

(George Tichy) #21

It’s interesting that the Adventists do not recognize how pacific the RCC has been, in comparison to Islam.
If the RCC , with more than enough reason, had reacted violently to the Adventist merciless accusations against them, we would certainly be already exterminated from the face of this planet.

But, again “Who is afraid?”…