Couple Married by Ryan Bell Wonders If They Are Still Married

(Spectrumbot) #1

Eugene and Brenda Magnusson have joined the chorus of current and former members of Hollywood Adventist Church speaking out about their experience with Ryan Bell as pastor. As parishioners have wrung their hands about everything from Bell's theology while senior pastor to his wildly unpredictable hair styles, the Magnussons have a far more basic question: "Are we still married?"

The two, married four years ago by then-Pastor Bell, are now questioning every detail of a ceremony as noted for its D-list Adventist Hollywood celebrity sightings as for its quirky vows and "Roaring Twenties" costume theme.

"We were able to deal with Ryan getting fired by the Southern California Conference. Any regular at the Purple Church could have seen that coming," said Brenda. "But then came the Year Without God. I feel like some kind of line has been crossed."

Although he admits that he and Brenda are undeniably in possession of a marriage certificate and an increasingly awkward wedding video, Eugene share his wife's concerns. "Are we still married before God?"

The Magnussons have decided that while some may deem it too early for a renewal of vows, they would like to have an additional religious service to further legitimize their marriage. This time around, Eugene says they are playing it safe and picking an officiating pastor "less prone to flaming out."

"We are doing our homework," says Brenda who has asked Southern California Conference insiders to screen potential candidates for their projected pastoral shelf life while automatically red-flagging anyone showing promise as a blogger.

Sevvy is a writer at the anonymously-authored humor and satire blog

This is a companion discussion topic for the original entry at

(Thomas J Zwemer) #2

they are married before God, before the State of California, Before the SDA Church, and if it matters before me. Before the Crucifixtion, the disciples baptized that must have included Judas., ordination does not mean sinless. The marriage is as firm as the couple make it, even if performed by a Justice of the Peace. Tom Z.

(Bb Yeaton) #3

Dr Zwemer, I believe this article is a satirical mockery of the Hollywood/Ryan Bell experience. I personally think it is in very poor taste.

(Thomas J Zwemer) #4

You are right, ths has gone on long enough, I thought I made that clear. It was a non-issue. Tom Z

(Kevin Paulson) #5

Right again, Tom. Your reference to Judas is an excellent one. People were both baptized and healed of diseases by the future betrayer. That doesn’t mean their experience wasn’t genuine.

Eugene and Brenda need not fret over this.

(k_Lutz) #6

Mission accomplished! Non-entities, fictional characters, etc. cannot ‘fret’ over anything.

Trust the Process.

(Steve Mga) #7

There might be more fact than fiction in this tongue in cheek exercise.
Sometimes when a leader has a problem there can be questions regarding if the program was God-led.

(George Tichy) #8

Are they unhappily married, just looking for an excuse to get out? :slight_smile: