"End Black Conferences," Says Prominent White Guy

(Spectrumbot) #1

A prominent white guy has made a strong statement in favor of getting rid of black conferences and congregations in the Seventh-day Adventist Church.

In a sermon broadcast around the world, the white guy said, "It is time to do the loving thing and unify the church by getting rid of the exclusively black organizational structures. They're a blight on our Gospel Witness."

Many people who often express their opinions in CAPS LOCK on Facebook hailed the passionate appeal.

"Segregation has been outlawed in the United States for a long time, so I'm not even sure black conferences are legal any more," said one white lady with a little bit of a tan.

When asked whether he had consulted with African-American individuals before delivering his powerful sermon, the white guy responded, "Well no, but several of my best parishioners are black."

"I'm convicted that this is the Dwight thing to do," said the guy.

In a separate issue, a conflict arose when several white guys sharply disagreed over what should be done with women pastors.

Two prominent white men spoke out passionately against allowing women to teach men things.

"The plain reading of the Bible indicates that women authority figures are acting unbiblically," said one man. To emphasize the point, he read a statement from a woman authority figure from a book called "Testimonies, Volume One," compiled by several men.

The other man agreed. "Show me a place in the Bible where women are allowed to do things in public," he said. "It's simply not there."

But conflict arose when the white guy from before disagreed.

"There is no place in Scripture that doesn't not allow women to be shepherds of flocks. For instance, when the shepherds came to worship the baby Jesus, nowhere does it say that women were not among them. Scripture is very clear in not disallowing it."

The Church became deeply divided when it became obvious that prominent white males could not agree, prompting another man, also white, to say, "There is no 'Thus saith the Lord' on this issue, and so we're going to let people vote on what they think Scripture does or doesn't say."

One thing that all could agree on is that it is a great time to be a prominent white male.

The Adventist Caricaturist blogs at the Caricatures of Adventists website, where this story originally appeared.

This is a companion discussion topic for the original entry at http://spectrummagazine.org/node/6584

(k_Lutz) #2

I suppose delusions of grandeur are sufficient for bigotry and misogyny.

Trust the Process.

(le vieux) #3

This may be a spoof, but I think it’s long past time to get rid of Black conferences. We won’t have separate churches or conferences in heaven. If we can’t worship together here, how can we do so there? Whites need to get rid of their stupid bigotry (bigots aren’t really very Christian, now are they?), and many Blacks need to get rid of their pride. And I suspect there may be some bigotry among Blacks as well, but I defer to some one who is Black to answer that.

(Thomas J Zwemer) #4

shouldn’t consideration be given to the membership of the Black Conferences? What are their wishes? The language “get rid of the Black Conferences” sounds quite imperial. An invitation to merge might have a better reception. Tom Z

(Adventist Caricaturist) #5

“Here is what blacks should do,” says white person.
Mmhmm, I’m listening…

(David P R) #6

That’s a very good point and suggestion, Tom.

David R.

(Randle Patrick) #7

Is the SdA latter rain color blind, segregated, or separate but equal?

(Carrol Grady`) #8

While I realize this is satire, I wonder what White Guy has to say about the many other ethnic churches - Spanish, Korean, Japanese, Indonesian, Chinese, etc., etc. Could it just be that various cultures feel more comfortable and at home with others from the same culture?

I remember when we were missionaries in Singapore that, although we didn’t have a separate “white” church, we did tend to mingle more with other “white” missionaries, simply because we felt more comfortable with them.

(Shining) #9

[quote=“blc, post:3, topic:7638”]
many Blacks need to get rid of their pride.
[/quote] :frowning: Please brothers and sisters of color do not assign this attitude to all us whites.

[quote=“blc, post:3, topic:7638”]
Whites need to get rid of their stupid bigotry (bigots aren’t really very Christian, now are they?)
[/quote I agree about us needing to get rid of our bigotry, the color kind, the gender kind, the status kind, the age kind, the education kind. And I must begin with me. God help me not to be part of this toxin.

(Ron Simpson) #10

How about the white guy going to the black church and sitting in the back row?
Why not close the white conference and unite in one?
What will white guy say when he gets to heaven and finds God is a black woman?

(Randle Patrick) #11

How about the white guy basketball player at a SdA college who had a black guy teammate in the intramural league.

And the black guy teammate wanted the white guy to play at a local black church’s basketball games on Saturday nights.

But the black guy was told by the black guys at the college, who had their own all black team in the intramural league, not to invite his white guy teammate for Saturday night games.

(Sarah Sulton) #12

Hmmm…Why not get rid of ALL WHITE CONFERENCES? Gee, I know: Then that would put the “majority” in submission to… drops the mic

BTW, Most "historically Black Conferences* are thoroughly intergrated via the congregation and are making strides in the areas of integrated clergy.

(Tom) #13

Carol, since you mentioned Singapore, you brought up one of my greatest pet peeves. As a white guy who married a Singaporean, it really, REALLY irritates me–if not angers me–whenever I see white expats who stick to their own exclusive enclaves in Singapore. “We felt more comfortable with them”?! That seems like an excuse for racism, if you ask me. In my opinion, there is absolutely NO excuse for white people to not mingle with people of different races. You were in an Asian country. Get used to the culture and dive in! I don’t stick with “my kind” whenever I visit Singapore and Whites who did that were frankly an embarrassment to me.

(Tom) #14

While I like the idea of uniting conferences in theory, speaking as a White person, Whites need to be more honest with themselves. Let’s NOT blame African Americans for the need to have black conferences! As long as white people stick to other white people and “feel more comfortable with” other white people, and run from churches where they are not in the privileged majority (“white flight”), there will continue to be a need for black conferences in the U.S. Racism still looms large in our SDA church, and there needs to be safe havens for people of color.


I’m pretty sure Birder meant it in a good way. Be nice if we all (black, white or brown) could come together, as one :thumbsup:

(le vieux) #16

Yes, that makes sense, but doesn’t it ultimately amount to the same thing? We need to become more united, not divided. Racially separate conferences perpetuate division.

(le vieux) #17

OK, we all need to get rid of our pride, but that whole “Black is beautiful” mantra smacks of pride. I don’t’ think white is beautiful (no more so than any other color). We’re all the same under the skin, and if we keep perpetuating this Black/white thing, not much will change. Pity we can’t send the bigots from both races off onto a desert island somewhere where they’d be forced do cooperate to survive.

(le vieux) #18

I was listening until the last line. Give me a break! God is not “ethnic,” and Scripture always portrays Him as male. Ellen White describes Adam as having a “ruddy” complexion. So, I wouldn’t be surprised to find everyone looking mixed race in heaven. Just a thought.

(le vieux) #19

I think you know what I meant: there should be no conferences based on race. I understand why there are Korean churches, Hispanic churches, and so on; but that’s at the local level. Many of them are more comfortable speaking their native language. I always find it easier to pray in English than in French. I suspect it’s similar for others. When we ask our Spanish speaking members to pray, they always do so in Spanish. I have no problem with that. I would probably do the same, unless I was equally fluent in both languages.

(Shining) #20

Birder, do you think in merging that the white will cease to be able to be recognized as white, or black as black? But this is what many say about merging men and women in the job pool, that those who talk about being more united, not divided and gender separate is promoting a loss of gender identity.

It is interesting that the Bible deals with these race and gender items in the same breathe, so to speak. If we can just get the rid of the idea that the pastor is supposed to be a patron giving orders but instead a peon serving the church, I think we would not have any more this discussion about including women in this group.

Would it be ok if we anoint them to be a servant like Jesus was (Matt 12:18) like Him preach the gospel to the poor; heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised and To preach the acceptable year of the Lord. (Luke 4:18-19)

Listen to Darius Jankiewitz talk last night about ordination. Ordaining women isn’t calling them to rule, it is accepting their work. Work not rule. Peon not patron.