Greatly entertaining - and refreshing.
The answer to all the problems discussed is to find a way of moving the church out of the 19th century and making it relevant - and it doesn’t need to be a week of navel gazing. I’m not holding my breath til it happens - done that for over sixty years, and that’s before I gave up on the whole thing.
This question isn’t about “how to keep people in the church”. It’s about giving the folk what they need, and they will stay. Many members retain their lifelong connection to the church because their life routines rotate around it, and it would be too much of an upheaval to change; so, it all becomes a social enterprise, with the spiritual aspect left for us to deal with individually.
All movements start with noble agendas, and drift into self-preservation.