This is not true.
The statement reminds me of the time a colleague said, “I think we spend too much time blaming white people”; words to that effect.
I said in response, “Actually, I don’t think we blame them anywhere near enough.”
Said another way, I understand many white people saying what you have said, @Sirje, and believing it.
But I think this has more to do with:
a) a level of white culpability with which white people have rarely, if ever, had to address, and have only scratched the surface of doing;
b) their level of comfort with their abuses, some of which is played out as unawareness, but more often, I believe, as groupthink;
c) the massive volume of the charges with which they’ve been beset;
d) the way — the actual language that has often been used as — those charges have been made;
e) White disbelief, albeit not based in rationale, but in mourning; the disbelief one experiences when told a close friend or relative has suddenly died.
If, after 45 years of an apparently happy marriage, a husband told his spouse that he’d been putting up with her as a wife and considered her a total failure in the role, she might weep, argue, sulk, burn in anger, beg, curse, and/or re-think many experiences she and he had had.
In other words, she might do all the things, analogously, many white people have done, in this racial moment, as non-white people have objected to white past / present behavior.
In the end, she might decide to reject his criticism. This would be fine, and it might even be self-sustaining.
But it would not mean that she, actually, was not a total failure as a wife. It would just mean she’d chosen not to believe it.