Representatives provided with their conclusions on women's ordination ahead of Annual Council

(system) #1

2014 Annual Council organizers have stopped at nothing to make sure that delegates flying in from around the world for the October 9-15 General Conference-based meetings are adequately prepared for discussions of the council's agenda items. No other agenda item has received more attention than the issue of the theology of ordination. At GC President Ted Wilson's request, representatives have each been sent what Wilson calls a "handy cheat sheet" outlining the women's ordination conclusions at which they will arrive on October 15.

"Understanding Biblical principles of ordination is no challenge for the weak-hearted," said Wilson. "We want to make sure that our leaders that will be attending Annual Council are fully equipped for the task."

"The question of whether or not to ordain female ministers is obviously highly controversial," said Ben Dumpty, Chief Organizer for Annual Council. Dumpty explained that the organizing committee had closely studied recent Adventist conferences on sensitive issues such as the correct stance on homosexuality and the debate over origins and creationism for best practice clues on how to prepare representatives.

"We found that a lot of the back and forth agonizing can be eliminated if President Wilson addresses meeting representatives on day one and simply provides them with their conclusions from the outset," said Dumpty. "To reinforce his address on whether or not to ordain women we are sending attractive "Say No" cheat sheets ahead of time."

sevvy is a writer at the anonymously-authored humor and satire blog

This is a companion discussion topic for the original entry at

(George Tichy) #2

Are you really sure this is a joke?
I wouldn’t be surprised at all if something like this were actually going on!

Based on my long term membership and knowing how the system works, I wouldn’t be surprised if the “conclusions” of this AC are already printed and securely kept in that vault at the GC, for disclosure at the appropriate moment…
(It’s called “The Glacier View” procedure…)

(Jared Wright) #3

In the Adventist Community it seems to be the case that the line between humor and full-blown conspiracy theory is always a marvelously thin line.

(jeremy) #4

but a name like dumpty kind of takes the cake…

(George Tichy) #5

Maybe the humorists and jokers are more inspired than we think…

(Thomas J Zwemer) #6

the only winners are the airlines and hotels. How many women are delegates? Did they get a cheat sheet also? Tom Z

(Bille) #7

Two thoughts come to mind…

  1. It takes a very carefully chosen and well known “key word” in order to designate a piece as “satire” given the facts as Jared presented them above.

  2. I would seem that we are expected to recall that Dumpty was better known as "Humpty Dumpty, that he “sat on a wall”, and that he “had a great fal”.

  3. As for the “cake” you insert into the story… that conjures up some interesting details that were missing from the original story about Mr. Dumpty.

(Bille) #8


Or “maybe” they pay more attention (than some) to that widely circulated source of “insider information”… the good old “Adventist Review”… better known as “AR”. (You really should give your “keets” a subscription of their own.) Take a look for yourself…’s-ordination,-oakwood

Would you say that “Sevvy” inappropriately concealed his “sources”… or is that allowed for things so readily available all around the world?

(Tim Teichman) #9

RE: “The question of whether or not to ordain female ministers is obviously highly controversial.” - Ben Dumpty

That’s funny, 'cause it’s not so much controversial out here in the real world.

(Jared Wright) #10

Bille, I don’t know what you’re trying to infer here. If you’re suggesting that Adventists borrow without attribution, I would categorically deny that allegation. Clearly, Sevvy was shown…

(efcee) #11

Is this a new direction for Spectrum - the posting of satirical articles without a proper heading? Yes, there is a properly contextualized credit given at the end of the article, but the posting of this article without a heading giving the proper context seems, in my opinion, to diminish the integrity of Spectrum. While I wholeheartedly support women’s ordination, I am disappointed that the posting of this article in this manner may further fuel the criticism of editorial bias that is often directed toward Spectrum.

Spectrum could have (unless it intends to position itself as a casual journal of humor) included the words, “satire”, “humorous”, “jab”, or or other such adjectives in the heading for the presentation of this article.

(Funny article, though. But I would rather have read it in its original context on

(Carrol Grady`) #12

I thought the Byline, Sevvie, gave it away.

(Kim Green) #13

Adventist Sacred Cows are alive and well, JaredWright :smile:

(Sirje) #14

What’s telling, efcee, is that you read it as actual fact, and it didn’t sound far fetched - as did I. :smile:

(John Alfke) #15

Its akin to the worst kind of mixed emotion… like watching your mother in law drive over a cliff in your prized convertible… things are never gonna be the same.

(Elmer Cupino) #16

***“May God soften your heart”***- Sharon Brownlee @skbrown

George, I’ll be praying for you. Maybe we should convert our individual Reality Therapy sessions to a group session and open it for anyone who needs “Reality.” People are getting awfully serious nowadays and are having difficulty managing their misplaced anger.

Let’s all blame the WO issue instead.

(Kevin Paulson) #17

I guess I’m wondering why Spectrum stopped covering the Secrets Unsealed ordination symposium after Day Two. Just curious.

(Jared Wright) #18

The short answer to your question, Kevin, is that the symposium coincided with the Adventist Forum Conference where most of Spectrum’s staff were busy for the whole weekend.

(George Tichy) #19

I always say that one of the problems with religious people is that many (not all) are always trying to complicate the issues. It appears that they believe that the more complicated a religion is, the better it is.

It seems that it will indeed take an outside rocket scient to figure out that there should not be discrimination of women in Church. The “fidels” are still confused about it…

(George Tichy) #20

Different people, different preferences…