There are many tragic aspects to this story. And having experienced divorce twice during my time as an SDA, it is my observation that the church as a whole, simply doesn’t know how to deal with divorcing couples.
In my first divorce, it was I who decided to leave my wife. In my second, it was my wife who decided to leave me. In neither, was there any physical adultery by either party (at least, not prior to the separation.) However the church needs to understand that there are other forms of marital unfaithfulness, and sometimes the one who leaves is the courageous one.
Every divorce is complicated. And because the circumstances are personal, individuals divorcing shouldn’t have to explain and justify themselves to the church body. In the case of my first divorce I said very little to anybody in the church about the reasons I left my wife, as I had no desire whatever to damage her reputation in the church, or with her friends. All I could tell them is that the issues had persisted for most of the 18 years of our marriage, and that all efforts to work things out, including counselling, had produced no lasting results.
And a separation doesn’t have to be the fault of one person or the other. Sometimes relationships just don’t work out, in spite of both parties being good people, and genuinely trying to make it work.
Ironically in my second separation, even though many in the church felt I’d been hard done by (by my second wife), I still had precious little support from the church congregation. I come back to an earlier comment - I think the church just doesn’t know how to deal with people who are experiencing separation/divorce.
To a degree, I felt on both occasions that I was punished by the church for failing in my marriage. That may have been only my perception, but that is what I felt.
The only effective path in dealing with divorcing couples is to support both parties equally in a non-judgmental manner. This doesn’t mean we’re condoning wrong-doing. We may not even know whether any wrong-doing has taken place (and frankly, it’s better if we don’t know - that is between the individual and God.) The role of the church is to lift people up, not grind them into the ground.