i was fortunate to see the film from “Coming out Ministries” and was initially favorably impressed.
It is slickly produced and seemingly benign, disarming, and indulgent in tone.
I was very pleased to see that there was no hint of "conversion " or “reparative” therapy , that is, the possibility that gays/lesbians can effectively and decidedly change their orientation from gay to straight.
Despite their remonstrances to the contrary, these Coming Out Ministries advocates did have this possibility as a sub text in their presentations some years ago. Being able to change one’s sexual orientation was very appealing and comforting to millions and was the foundation for the church supported
Colin Cook fiasco in Reading Pennsylvania many decades ago.
Now that ALL western psychological and psychiatric associations have decried “conversion” therapy as not only being woefully ineffective, but exceedingly damaging to the psyche of young people, many legislative bodies have made it illegal in their jurisdictions.
Even the Mormons, notorious for giving electric shocks to the genitalia of their gay/lesbian offspring, in hope of “curing” them, have finally abandoned this practice.
Now that “Coming out Minstries” has been forced to abandon the appealing aspect of slickly changing one’s orientation, the MESSAGE BEHIND THE FILM
becomes harsh, bleak, grim, bitter, callous and pitiless.
It is essentially asking our gay/lesbian pre-teens and teens to commit to being celibate for life. Why do I use the terms “bleak” “grim” and “bitter”?
Because those of us who have been in loving relationships, know intuitively that the sexual component, while important, is vastly overshadowed by the companionship, caring, loyalty component of the relationship.
Parents of gay/lesbian teenagers need to ask themselves do they really want their offspring to commit to lead lonely, comfortless, blighted and empty lives till their deathbeds?
Did a truly loving God really expect 4 percent of the earth’s population THROUGH NO CHOICE OF THEIR OWN, to be obligated to lifelong companionless loneliness?
Quite apart from the fact that God gives our gay/lesbian offspring the SAME
levels of hormonal sexdrives as their straight siblings/cousins and then supposedly expects them to curtail/resist/suppress these drives when their straight siblings/cousins can happily marry and be sexual.
In my eighty one years on this planet, I have observed many widowed male acquaintances , who were remarried within a year of their bereavement. Since many were of the “post Viagra” age group, they were not getting married for sexual reasons but because of their intense loneliness and sense of companionlessness. If we do not deny loving companionship to our hetero widowers, why would we deny it to our gay offspring?
Being in my eighties, how blessed I am to have four caring, competent adult children, who will, when the time comes, choose my hospice/assisted living. While celibate singles, can with modern medical tecnics, have their own biological offspring, all would agree that single parenting is tough. I know of many gay couples, both male and female, who have achieved biological offspring. The joys of having children and grandchildren would be what all of would wish for our own children.
Mathew 7:9. Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?
The Adventist God has given our “Russian roulette”, one in twenty, gay /lesbian offspring, the “stone” of lifetime loneliness, an asexual existence despite having all the hormonal and emotional components to be sexual, and childlessness. Surely only a cruel, callous, pitiless God would dispense such “stones” in such an arbitrary random fashion.
No one, when born, will know whether they are the unfortunate one in twenty,
unhappy ones. They have zero control nor input in this process.
There is also a FINANCIAL component to this celibacy issue. In my circle of acquaintances both gay couples and straight, I know of many couples where one was fired or became unemployed relying totally on the generosity of their spouse to avoid becoming HOMELESS.
All of us acknowledge that in today’s society two pay checks are better than one in affording a comfortable lifestyle. While their straight brothers/cousins marry affluent female anesthesiologists, attorneys, accountants, architects, our gay sons, if single, when losing a job, have no fall back position.
CELIBACY is the UNSPOKEN issue behind this film.
Since one of the producers has a Catholic background, it is fitting to compare
CELIBACY as advocated in this film, to CATHOLIC CELIBACY.
FIRSTLY: Catholic celibates freely CHOOSE their celibacy as ADULTS, with full acknowledgement of all its components. Our gay/lesbian offspring have NO CHOICE in their orientation and therefore no choice in celibacy.
SECONDLY: in exchange for their vows of celibacy the monks/ nuns/priests live in convivial convents, monasteries priest homes, surrounded by companions. Even on their death beds they will have enormous emotional support from life long companions. Our celibate gay/lesbian offspring have no such intimate caring support.
THIRDLY: Catholic celibates are offered life long food, lodging, comforts, medical care, and all necessities. They will never be homeless or lacking of material comforts, in fact many of the Catholic Hierarchy live lives of luxury and opulence.
FOURTHLY: Catholic celibates receive adulation, esteem, admiration from their families, their friends and their parishioners. Adventist gays, even when celibate, are demeaned, denigrated, and discriminated against!
My final observation on the film, is that it toned down the libertine, promiscuous, sleazy and depraved past of some of the participants. In their past presentations, they have titilated their audiences with sordid tales of their prior debauched lives-- one was even a male prostitute. And many were also chemical substance abusers and alcoholics. Alcoholism leads to hepatic hormonal disruption, with premature loss of libido. These aging, sexually waning guys dispense celibacy advice to those in the prime of their sexual/
hormonal lives. Hardly FAIR!
The “Coming Out” group is a sub set of gay Adventists, quite unlike our many academy and college gay/lesbian students, who are innocent, guileless, and desperately seeking answers to their horrible predicament. Their dating heterosexual classmates, are more likely to be sexual, than many of our “closeted” gay kids on campus!
Most of our gay offspring are neither prostitutes nor promiscuous, and merely, like their straight counterparts, are desirous of finding a suitable romantic, monogamous companion with whom they can spend their lives.
May I advocate ALL parents, teachers, pastors, physicians and any dealing with gay young people, to see the film currently playing in cinemas: MOONLIGHT. It is on the list for numerous awards including BEST PICTURE.
it gives an unvarnished view of what it means to grow up gay with all the accompanying bullying, brutality, and bashing involved. Only those who have seen this movie will have a true picture of the horror of what it means to be born gay.
Plus the child actor, and later the teenage actor who portray the main character, are truly astonishing, and deserving of Oscars!
The plaintive little gay boy, asks: “what does “faggot” mean”?
The answer: “It is what people say to gays when they want them to feel bad”.
ADVENTISM HAS BEEN EXCEEDINGLY EFFICIENT in making our gay/lesbian offspring “FEEL BAD”.
I do not think this COMING OUT movie will make any gay/lesbian Adventist feel any better, despite its seeming benign and disarming tone.